Category: Individual Treatment

When a Man Feels Lost, Step I is to Grab the Map

by Steven Price, MA, LPCA

We often see clients struggling with anger, sadness, stress at work or at home and even with violent outbursts toward others. There is a common thread shared among so many of them, especially when the clients are men. Many, many times, men say, “I feel lost” or “Something is missing” or “I just don’t know who I am.” This lostness or lack of identity is a very real concern, and with more men growing up without positive male role models in their lives, it is no wonder they struggle to identify who they are, who they need to be, and especially who they are meant to be.

As Christian counselors, we believe we KNOW who we are, and we know who these men are, too. Scripture tells us that we as men are all Beloved sons of Almighty God, and women are all Beloved daughters. This is true of ALL men, believers or not. The trouble is, many men do not know, or perhaps they do not believe, that this is true. Even Christian men struggle with this.

There are Christian men who believe that their identity lies in God, that they are beloved Sons, and this is critical. What we believe matters and it matters very much, but if men have never experienced the love of a good father, never experienced belovedness, they may struggle with their identity and with expressing themselves in loving ways.

As counselors who walk alongside men who are struggling with their identities and therefore struggling in their lives as sons, brothers, friends, husbands, and fathers, we want to first address the current behaviors by helping men deal with their anger, sadness, stress, or outbursts. But most important, we want men to know who they are and to begin to experience who they are so that they can then become who they are meant to be—wholehearted men, beloved sons, loving husbands, and amazing fathers, free from their previous struggles. This can be a wonderful journey, and the destination is definitely worth the effort.

When Christmas isn’t Merry

This is the time of year when we celebrate the birth of Jesus, give gifts, and enjoy friends and family. It can be a wonderful time, but for some it’s a depressing time.

Today, I was playing tennis with a group and overhead a discussion by a couple of women from the other team. One of the women had been married for 25 years, but recently separated from her husband and was facing Christmas and New Year’s alone. Her friend was inviting her to spend time with them. A great idea!

Special times of the year are times when depression can be worst as we face losses. One family just lost their daughter, another a parent or spouse.

We can help by being sensitive to these people and making sure they are included in our activities. Allow them to talk about their losses and encourage them to remember the good times. Ask them to show you pictures or tell you stories.

Don’t tell them not to be sad or to cheer up. It doesn’t help and simply makes them feel worse that they can’t do what you asked.

Scripture can be a comfort as we think of our loses. Recently, I have been remembering the fellowship we have in Christ suffering when we suffer. Ironically, suffering is a gift because it draws us closer to Christ and allows us to identify with him. We receive His comfort as we suffer so that we can share Him with others.

I talked with two different men this week who had both lost grown sons this year. Both of these sons were lost tragically in the prime of their life due to illness. How do you console men who have lost their sons? All I could do was remind them that God had lost his only son as well. He understands and shares their pain.

I pray that you have a joyous Christmas, and that you will also love those you know who aren’t having such a Merry Christmas.

Christian Counseling

At LifeCare Counseling and Coaching, professional therapy and faith intersect comfortably. Indeed, Christ heals all sorrows. The Grace of God is undeniable and incontrovertible. Yet, sometimes people are overcome by the afflictions of the world. In those times, there’s no shame in turning to community for support. The sad news is that some may feel embarrassed and/or ashamed and choose to suffer a growing illness in silence. In those cases, it may be essential for Christians to seek counseling from a professional counselor outside of their church. The priority, of course, is to encourage healing and ensure excellent care.

LifeCare Counseling and Coaching is comprised of fully licensed, Christ-centered counselors. Professional family and marriage counselors and psychologists help clients set goals and connect spiritual growth with life. We also have a psychiatrist here for those situations where the brain’s chemistry needs a nudge in order to find the right balance. All of us have additional and complementary education as Christian counselors. Some of us even have additional degrees in theology.

We adhere and are held accountable to the rigorous standards imposed on licensed practices, we are able to accept insurance, and we are certified Christian counselors. What’s more, we work tirelessly to honor your church’s traditions, and we work are happy to team with your pastor if you wish.

If you have any need to refer a member to a counseling service, we certainly pray you will feel invited to seek us out. We are here to serve you, pray with and for you, your family and your neighbors, and carefully serve, respect, and protect everyone who comes to us.

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