Month: January 2018

When the Past is a Weight on Our Shoulders

by Steven Price, MA, LPCA


For many, weight loss seems like a never ending battle against the scale. One day we are down a pound, the next we are up two. There are a great many challenges that keep us from reaching our goals such as daily stresses at work or in life, a lack of time for exercise, a lack of understanding about nutrition, or simply unhealthy eating habits. I’m afraid there are challenges that many never realize they are battling against as well: wounds from the past, unresolved grief, loneliness, just to name a few.

Many who suffered in childhood (separation from parents, divorce, bullying, or worse) continue to suffer into adulthood. If not healed, childhood wounds can linger, negatively impacting nearly every aspect of a person’s life including his or her work, health, emotional wellbeing, friendships, or romantic relationships. We may find ourselves living less and eating more.

The Bible says that Jesus came so we may have and experience an abundant life, or life to the full (John 10:10b), but many of us have experienced the opposite of that. Why? Because, as Jesus said in John 10:10a, “the thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy” and many of us are still living with the wounds that came at such a young age.

God wants to heal those broken or wounded places in each and every one of us, but sometimes we need a little help along that healing journey.

Whether our experiences have left us struggling with anxiety, depression, unhealthy weight gain, or unhealthy eating habits, partnering with a counselor can help you not only see, but reach the light at the end of the tunnel.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) are often used with individuals struggling with such hardships. These therapies often work well when symptoms include unhealthy weight gain and unhealthy eating habits ranging from erratic relationships with food to actual eating disorders, such as binge-eating disorder (BED). Many believe that if they aren’t suffering from a specific or diagnosed eating disorder that they do not have a problem with food, but there are many individuals who use food in an unhealthy way to cope with life rather than choosing healthier outlets, including counseling and healing. Healing from their pasts and teaching men and women better coping mechanisms can greatly impact the trajectory of their lives—including improving overall health, wellness, weight, and happiness.

Whether you are struggling with stress, anxiety, depression, wounds, or grief, there is help. By seeking good therapy and coaching from proven and effective counseling practices, we can partner together to not only heal the broken heart, but to set you on a path to greater health and happiness.

The first step is to have a conversation. We’re here for you, and we’ll walk with you throughout the journey to get rid of the unwanted weight and worry.  Just call 1-919-851-1527.  We’ll move forward together.

Why Couples Fight and How to Refocus on Good Stuff

By Jerry Lankford, MBA, MACC, MDiv, LPCS


Relationships are complicated.

We come together seeking to share our lives with another person and needing to feel loved.  We want to be supportive, responsive and make our best friend happy. Why do we end up fighting?

One way to explore the problem is through the lens of Attachment.

We all need to feel that someone has our back. That is how we can take the risks necessary to explore opportunities and succeed in life.  When someone is supportive, we can risk failure.  When I go for that new job, it helps to know that – no matter what – my spouse will be there to encourage me.  She will celebrate with me when I succeed.  She will hold my hand when I don’t.

In children, we see this operate very clearly.  A secure child explores their world without fear.  They play and interact without difficulty.  An anxiously attached child becomes fearful if mom or dad leave the room, and they become upset until they return.  An avoidant child may show no external emotion when left but will become angry and punishing as soon as the adult returns. This plays out in adult relationships as well.

An Anxious spouse may complain that you are never home, or you don’t do anything to help around the house.  What they may really be saying is: I’m afraid you don’t love me or that you may leave me.

An Avoidant spouse, meanwhile, may respond by spending extra time at work.  At work, they feel they get rewarded for the things they do. To these individuals, it seems that home is a place where they never do anything right.  Thus, at home, they withdraw and avoid the conflict.

Life can become a downward spiral where one spouse complains and the other withdraws or responds with anger.  Is this any way to live? Of course not, yet the solution often requires a bit of retraining to unlock and release a new way to partner.

How did we get here? We both just want to be loved!

This is where the trained therapist helps.  Once we are guided by the right professional to figure out what we really need, not just the superficial stuff that we seem to talk about, we begin to reconnect and learn that we really are loved by our partner. Then, we can learn how to respond to a relationship stressor in a way that is helpful rather than harmful.  Each couple has a unique mix of responses that will work to build friendship, trust, loyalty and deeper support – the interdependency of true love.  A trained therapist helps the couple unlock that communications support structure.


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